i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
