Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
