we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
