Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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