I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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