I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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