i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
