honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
