Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
