I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
