Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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