i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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