look no pants
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
