Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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