You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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