I'm really into asian looking animals
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
