I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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