i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dick very happy bro
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
