I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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