it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
