Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
