if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
