my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
