Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
