I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
