Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
