I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We left the knife in your bed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
