Well douche your snatch and let's go!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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