fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
