You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
