my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
