so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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