I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
