Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
