Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
