So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
