I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
