i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
