this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
