they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
