So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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