I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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