He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
