i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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