we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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