so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dear god my vagina.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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