Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
