Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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