**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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