Im at strip club and am horny
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
