You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
