I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
