when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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