butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your face is a jimmy john
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
