I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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