The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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