It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
