So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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